Toys and partner sex

Text and photo: Arina Vintovkina

Russian version

I suddenly realized what a tectonic shift occurred in my attitude towards partner sex thanks to sex toys.

Now I go into it almost least of all for an orgasm, and I rate the “suitability” of a partner in the last place by the number of orgasms received with him/her. Not because orgasm is no longer needed. But because uninterrupted access to discharge is guaranteed to me by devices, which I have a full closet of, but access to the sensory space is possible only with a human partner.

I spoiled myself, in short, the availability of orgasm! And as a direct consequence of this, my demands on "human sex" have grown and become more complex.

Now I need a voluminous and vivid drawing flashing in my mind from the touch of a partner. To make the tactile narrative unfolding between us as non-linear and authentic as possible - which is possible only between us and only at this separate, concretely taken moment. So that fantasy and all the senses are turned on. So that there are pauses and gradients in sensations. So that there were games, and we changed roles, revived and pulled out of each other all the most piercingly fragile, dormant deep under the skin.

... And for everything else (for relaxation) I have a Womanizer.

The question that I get asked super often: “And it may happen that you have a toy, and you cease to be interested in ordinary human sex?”

The answer is yes and no.

Definitely “no” if sex for you is about some kind of story that you write and live together. About that wordless conversation. About a journey deep into oneself.

And “yes” – if the available sex gets down to, roughly speaking, masturbating against each other and feel a pleasant relief... Here for me very few people can compete with the effectiveness of the Womanizer.

I suppose that competition with sex toys is afraid, in fact, those who do not know how, do not understand and do not want to learn, as it is in general – a journey into sensuality, eroticism and intimacy.

For whom sex is purely about “throwing off tension”. Who is used to it mechanically, purely on the beaten path and to the bitter end. Who is too lazy to develop their sensuality. Who is sincerely not curious about what sensual symphonies the partner's body is capable of giving out if you interact with him in different ways and enjoy the very process of interaction, and not how many orgasms you “caused” him.

If all that a partner is capable of is knocking an orgasm out of you, then the red price for such a partner is plus or minus 5 thousand rubles (this is how much a Womanizer or Tenga costs).

And if earlier I brushed aside questions about competition, they say, come on, guys, no competition, don't worry! (I didn't want people to keep going around sex shops in a wide arc.) But now I see that this competition exists. And, frankly, I am very glad that it does!

The fact that there are really cool sex toys in this world makes us more selective and finicky in a good way. We begin to look for and appreciate in living human partners what the device cannot give.

And this competition, I would like to believe, will push all of us to grow above our own ideas about why we need sex, and what really high-quality sex is.

Learning is not “faster, longer, more technical”, but more interesting, sensual and emotionally deeper.