Entering Tinder with a bang

@ sex.and.the.mitia

First, hey boys, come on! You’ve got yourself serious claims!

And second, people, stop whining! Tinder is an awesome thing, you just need to be able to use it (roughly, it’s like a penis: you can piss with it, but it’s not all).

I've been on Tinder for about 7 years (not since I was 7!), and has gone to more than a hundred dates (not because I had nothing to do, but because I really wanted to find my beloved!) At the same time, there were very cool meetings and relationships that changed my life. I'm serious! So let me give you a little instruction on Tinder, which seems to me to be applicable to both M and F.

1. The most important thing is the attitude towards online dating. I've often heard that online is no good. Hello?! No good for whom? Are all these people not humans? The same very people you meet in a library, a bookstore, or a lecture (do you usually meet there?). Another thing is that on the net you can write a bunch of fake information, upload stolen photos, and generally write nonsense. The go ahead and check! Spend 10 minutes, visit Instagram and other social networks: read what the person writes, how he or she thinks, find his or her ways. As for me, for example, I decided that I do not date girls who have two photos and no social networks (or they do not give me the link). I love cats, but not in a bag. At least, I ask them to send me a photo in WhatsApp (of course, not everyone agrees, well, in this case I don’t need it, I value my time).

I have all my accounts opened: you can dig them up to my school photos.

2. Attitude to the process. It should be nice and easy (like everything in life, right?). This is not pain or suffering, and not a waste of time, but a funny activity and a chance for cool communication (once again, the people there are the same as in life: some of them are nothing, some good for nothing but others are really good!).

3. Technology. People often whine: no one “likes” me. I ask you in return: how many “likes” have you put? Well three and those were last week. So what do you expect in return? 10 out of 10? Alas, these are statistics, this does not happen here. You put 100 “likes”, and 10-20 will match – these you can work with. But what is needed for this? That's right, time! And so – read on!

4. Make time for this regularly! And not when it itches between the legs. No, you don’t have to sit for hours, which is why I don’t buy a paid account (and not because I’m greedy): in order not to get stuck here and have a limited number of likes (Editor’s note – in the free version you 100 likes and one superlike). But every day you can click for half an hour. Your life is worth it, huh?

5. Attitude towards likes/non-likes: don't care at all! Develop an iron indifference in yourself. Even if you saw the goddess (god) of beauty - and there are hundreds of them - and your ideal wife (husband) is among them. This is just a picture on the phone, in a moment it is gone. And you go further, there will be more! Or as my friend says to me: “I sit, study faces, read profiles, and I like it so much, and I put a “like” and... nothing!” Of course, you will sit for hours and will be upset, and then you will say that Tinder is crap. Just don’t suffer fr om bullshit and be realistic. You will rarely be “liked” by those you like. Everything is true to life. It’s nothing. Have patience, you are a Tinder-jedi after all!

A super recipe fr om me: I like without looking, I don't even look at the screen. I “liked out” my legal amount (two minutes) and went away. But those I have a match with – I study closely.

6. Registration of your account: is there some law prescribing to take photos only with glasses, with your back turned, 20 meters from the camera, under a blanket? Are you tying to get a date here, or what? Well, of course, the goals can be different: someone is having fun, someone is trying to find her unfaithful husband, someone simply doesn’t want to. But do you want to find happiness! So open your face to it! Take the trouble to find or take good photos: one with your face close to the camera and another is life-sized. There is no point in hiding or embellishing anything – you will meet later. Let him immediately accept you as you are! Otherwise, you’ll just waste your time.

7. Description: first I tried to remove it completely: to keep an intrigue. But this doesn’t work - just a bunch of similar questions will follow. So, it's better to immediately write down the main things about yourself: who you are (in life), what you love, what you are looking for, what you are doing in life. I am for sincerity, of course. Looking for a relationship - just write it, looking for sex – surprise! – write it! (well only be careful: not in style “hey, pretty, let’s make out!” Girls, of course, like it when a man knows what he wants, but not that much).

And yes, have a sense of humor! If you know how to be humorous. If you don’t – then don’t even try for God’s sake! Let your feature be... I don't know... mysteriousness.

8. Beginning of the conversation: the initiative is still up to the boy. Girls by nature sense that it is not for them to start. This is normal. So, don’t cringe here, bro, write! At the same time, it is ok if she writes first herself. Nothing. But from experience not one I have liked wrote me first.

9. Next: “hello, how are you”, “what’s up?”, “What are you looking for here?”, “You are so cool!” – Punch yourself in the face right now, please! Did it? Thanks! Have you ever asked to see a pretty girl’s Tinder? I asked many times. There, in the Messages you can find so many “whatsuppers” – as the nerve endings in her clitoris (8000. Sex-enlightenment comes in!). Throw in something more interesting, huh? Well, I don’t know, look at the “openers” on pickup sites, at worst.

I personally always ask about dancing: firstly, it's unusual, secondly, it's really important and interesting for me (I'm bit of a dancer myself), and thirdly, there is always an option to continue the dialogue (do you like to dance? Which is your favorite dance? And wh ere do you dance? Have you tried bachata? etc.).

10. Watch how the dialogue is going: I immediately sort out those who 1) do not greet you (“did your mom teach you to greet?” – it immediately reveals inadequacy), 2) immediately set conditions. Something like – “I meet only in restaurants. I can drink coffee at home by myself! Flowers are a must!” – go to hell 3) Rarely answer, only yes\no, does not ask questions, in general is not active. It means I didn’t make an impression. No matter. So, let's move on.

11. Once I’ve talked, checked her for adequacy and interest there is contact. There are topics for conversation (you did not forget to read her profile, yes?) Super! Ask her for links to social networks profile: Instagram, VKontakte, Facebook, anything. Now 95% give it (or it is already in the description) – it's cool, people have become more open (or they want subscribers, not you). Previously, more often I heard: “I do not have it”, “this is only for friends”, “why do you need it?” Once again: I will not date anyone without a link to Instagram (or 10 photos in WhatsApp).

And here is the key rule 12, proven by years of experience.

12. Find the scariest photograph of her: this is how she will be in life! That's sad. Okay, it’s not always like that, but honestly, very often! I already started laughing about it. Also look for a video: a person in motion is truer to life, and a photo without a make-up (at the beach, by the pool, at home). This is super important to me: I simply won’t have a boner on the girl if I don't want to look at her face in the morning. Accordingly, I have all these sequins, posh clothes, make-up – crap. What is important to me is what Mother-Nature gave her. So, you’ve studied the profile, and if it’s okay for you, then go ahead, make an appointment!

Summary: Tinder has the same real people – let the search for a match be a fun trip for you with empathy and interest. Post cool photos wh ere you can see the face and body, and meaningful text (ask your friends: does it catch?) Write honestly, everyone’s tired of lying! “Like” fast and regularly, don't hang around and don't expect miracles, only statistics, only hardcore! Study only mutual likes. Be the first to write in a funny and original way (but without literary perversions and stupid jokes!) Communicate only with proactive and interested ones. Ask for social networks profiles and study them carefully: texts, videos, photos without a make-up. Well, get ready for a meeting (just do not forget to take the phone number first – to be in touch), there is nothing in sitting on the Internet for hours! Salute to all!